The power of negative thoughts.

The thought-feeling-behaviour connection

Worry, stress, nervousness…these are all common words that we use interchangeably to describe the common human experience of feeling anxious. Anxious thoughts play a major role in determining how we feel and what we do.

An anxious thought like “I’m going to stuff up my speech and everyone will laugh” will of course make you feel more nervous and you may respond with behaviours like staying home to avoid the speech, or do the speech but avoid eye contact with the audience.

On the other hand…

A more realistic thought like “I’ve done speeches in the past, been nervous, but still got through it and done well” may help you to feel calmer and you are more likely to respond with better behaviours like doing the speech and making eye contact with the audience. This thought is also more realistic in that it is based on past experience rather than an imagined disaster.

So if anxious thoughts are the key to how we feel and behave then what can we done to change them?

There are lots of options for managing anxious thoughts.

Some people like to challenge anxious thoughts by looking at the evidence to determine whether they are being realistic. This is called cognitive restructuring and is a common technique used in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.

Other people, prefer a technique called defusion which is used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Defusion involves acknowledging the anxious thought whilst not getting caught up in it, or challenging it. For example, in the above situation, the person giving the speech might notice the thought and simply say to themselves “Oh I’m having the thought that I might stuff up the speech”. Or “Hmm…that’s my anxious thinking again”. The key with this approach is to notice and acknowledge the thought whilst not allowing yourself to get caught up in it. In this way, the thought has less impact on feelings and behaviour.

Above all remember that thoughts aren’t facts. If you feel you need help with anxious thinking a psychologist can help you learn strategies to think and feel better.